I often wonder what to say

To me, social networking, in all its forms, is the greatest wonder of modern technology. Some forms are more wonderful than others, but the whole idea of being able to keep in touch with multiple people at once, with whom one might not otherwise be able to keep in touch at all, is utterly thrilling. When we think of social networking, we think of Facebook, Twitter, or perhaps MySpace, but blogs are also a form of social networking. For me, then, social networking also affords an occasional outlet for my long-neglected and usually frustrated dream of writing.

Strange as it seems, however, when I’m reading my Facebook friends’ statuses, I often feel as if I ought to comment, but I don’t. It isn’t because I’m not interested. It isn’t because I don’t care. I simply don’t know what to say. Occasionally I put the matter aside until I think of something to say, and then say it. More often I keep silence. I think it better to be a man of few words, fitly chosen, than a man of many words misused.

This seems especially true when my friends’ statuses are about suffering and misfortune, whether their own or someone else’s. Sometimes I might be the first to comment, but I don’t feel comfortable being first, so I wait and end up never commenting at all. On most occasions I’d be commentator #48 or 63, and I feel my comment would be superfluous. Of course I could message my distressed friend, but he or she probably already has 659 messages on the same topic. Yet it goes deeper than that.

No matter my number in the queue, no matter whether it’s a public comment or a private note, the question of what to say still vexes. I don’t want to say the very same thing 700 people have already said. In times of distress there is little room for originality. Only a small number of comments could possibly apply. It’s also possible that if I said what I really wanted to say, it wouldn’t be understood and thus wouldn’t be appreciated.

The last statement is not a comment on anyone’s intelligence. My beliefs are unusual in the Western world, and so are my inclinations about how best to address distress. The least superfluous comment I could make would be "I’m praying for you" (or for whomever), and that would be true, but it wouldn’t be the whole truth. Rarely do I pray for anyone individually, because I dare not presume that what I think best for them really is best, or that my friends’ (or my own) needs are more worthy of alleviation than someone else’s. Instead I pray every day for all God’s creatures everywhere who are in any need, want, or affliction, that their experience of need, want, and affliction be relieved.

Much is written about the power of prayer or positive intention, and it always involves intercession on behalf of specific individuals. Yet it usually also involves a distinct lack of specificity regarding the desired outcome. "Just be with them, Lord," is what we hear works best. According to the studies, it doesn’t seem to matter to whom or to what one prays, or what one believes or practices in one’s life, so long as one’s intention and faith are sincere. It also seems to help, as the words suggest, if one is not too attached to a particular outcome. Furthermore the number of people praying seems to be more important than their specific identities or relationships to the person or persons in need.

Some aspects of these findings seem a bit counterintuitive. Wouldn’t the prayer of someone close, someone who desperately desires the relief of the sufferer’s suffering, count for more than the incidental prayers of 100 total strangers? I’m as perplexed about that as the next person. I don’t know the answer. And because I don’t know the answer, I don’t presume to make judgments for the Infinite.

"Well," you ask, "if you’re praying for the relief of all suffering everywhere, how likely is that prayer to be answered?" I think it 100 percent guaranteed to be answered, but probably not today. Yet because we are One, I am obliged to pray for the highest, greatest benefit of all that is. But the Infinite knows that the specific people who I know need help are in my mind as I pray. The Infinite knows that my prayers are primarily for them.

I hope nothing more need be said.